They're Playing Our Song by Carole Bayer Sager

Author:Carole Bayer Sager
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

BURT FLEW INTO NEW YORK without me on Saturday night. My fortieth birthday was the next day, and went by unnoticed by both of us. Whatever happened during this time is lost to all memory retrieval. It’s like a power outage that went on for days. Did flowers come? Did people call to say “Happy Birthday”? Your guess is as good as mine.

When Burt came back with my gold embossed plaque, he took me down to Two Bunch Palms, a spa near Palm Springs. I don’t remember staying there, I just remember the two of us in a small near-empty Italian restaurant at a table for two. He was facing the door, and I was facing the wall. Recalling this detail is as odd to me as is my forgetting everything else. I remember him urging me, “Carole, please, just take a taste of the pasta. It just has a little butter on it. Can’t you try?”

And I couldn’t. Can you imagine? I couldn’t eat. I looked at the food and it looked back at me. It was something I wanted no part of. Finally, to please Burt, I took a tiny taste.

Everything else is more than blurry. It’s black. But I do remember on the ride home from the desert, I was feeling a little less awful. And within another week, I was pretty much over it, whatever it was. Believe me, I’ve thought about it long and hard. The closest I ever came to figuring it out was that long ago I made a Faustian bargain with the Devil: Give me a great life and much success and in return I promise not to enjoy it.

I’d already gone too far by feeling real joy at the Grammys and at Elizabeth’s party, and I obviously had to pay for it. I guess whatever part of me was doling out the punishment was kind enough to believe that denying myself the Songwriters Hall of Fame ceremony, which surely would have been one of the greatest nights of my life, was penance enough for the crime of having a good time.

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